Prose and poetry

Drought, why?
©21 December 2012

The polar ice caps are melting. Water is the result, yes? Water that was unavailable as ice is being freed up. I thought the Antarctic ice caps might be freezing up faster than the Arctic ice caps were melting, no, the candle is melting at both ends. So, I ask again, where is all the water going? More people need more water, more biomass on the planet is my assumption. BUT, industry, technology, civilization.. whatever you call it.. this is new. Our world never had this before. Industry uses a lot of water. So does soap – dish washing, hand washing, car washing, clothes washing, shampoo, on and on. What about farming, landscaping, irrigation and maintenance of artificially distributed flora? Monoculture is aDo all humans act this unwisely given the opportunity? “Given enough rope to hang themselves.”

Home
© Ari Gold 2010
People ask me where my home is. "My bicycle" is not the answer they are looking for. Las Vegas is where I started my journey and Chicago is where I was born and raised; I used to think of myself as a "Chicagoan". But, those answers do not feel right to me. Some people label me 'home-less', that is not right either. I asked myself, with this lifestyle i am creating, what is 'home' for me?

:hand on my head: Home is where my memories and beliefs are, my plans, goals and expectations, my challenges; past, present and future. Home is where my mind goes, time and time again.
:hand between my heart and my guts: Home is where my feelings are; my friends and foes, my cherished memories; the ones I once knew, the ones before me now :hand sweeping audience: and the ones I have yet to meet. These are what makes 'home' for me.

© Ari Gold 2010
It is human nature that "me" and "mine" must be more important than "you" and "yours". Itis a huge leap in spiritual llogic to realise "us", "ours" and "we" are all there is. "Mine"and "yours" are just illusions. This is maturity.

A parent comes to realize "family" is more important than "self", they make appropriate sacrifices. The child sees these sacrifices as a personal victory: war trophies.

Is this the essence of family dynamics?

Fashion Challenged
© Ari Gold 2010
I'm fashion challenged. It's not that I have NO fashion sense. It's just I want functional multi-tools. You know - sunscreen, multi-compartmentalized carry-on luggage, a suit of modular armor, a pillow and personal temperature control; all-in-one and of course, ergonomically correct. Something subtle and understated, where do the Transformers get their stuff done?

Small town vs Big city
© Ari Gold 2010
People in small towns ask me if theirs is the smallest town I have ever been in. No, I lived in a smaller one for several years. But that's not important. In a small town, everybody knows everybody else. There are no strangers, just strange neighbors. A child growing up in a small town quickly learns that when they get rude in school, they will get punished in school, hear about it from the neighbors all the way home and get punished as they walk in the door. Everybody knows everything in a small town; there are no secrets, just denials.

In a big city, everybody is a stranger, an unknown. Most people hardly ever see the people living next to them, on either side, above or below, back or front. It is easy to misunderstand a stranger, easy to commit a crime against a stranger, easy to see strangers as not real like you and me. It is easy to disappear in a sea of strangers.

There is more everything available in a big city, except a sense of belonging and knowing what your role is.

Fast food vs. Fine food
© Ari Gold 2009
What is the difference between truly great food and the stuff that you can get at a drive-thru? A skilled and loving artisan made the good stuff. They may love the food or themselves, you or everything in their life. They put that love into their food. You have to feel safe to enjoy - if you expect to get slapped upside your head any minute the food won't be what's on your mind. Ambiance; sitting by the shore at sunset in autumn with subtle and mysterious music playing quietly is good. Wolfing down your food while crouched in a back-alley off a busy street in a bad neighborhood is not good.

I make who I am; to my lovers, friends, family and at work. I don't want to be fast food.

We
By Ari Gold ©2008
Community is in our blood and bones. Who we hang with is who we are. When our group of friends is only 'me' then, being alone, we are weak, vulnerable and scared. When the group 'us' and 'we' is bigger then we feel safer, The more of us there are, the safer we feel.
The only limits to how many of 'us' there are is in your imagination. The more I can include into my group of us and we, the safer I feel.
I personally work to include everything I can imagine into who we are, our group. Every person of every race, color, age, and sex, every animal, rock, building and idea is one of us., part of my extended family.

We2
©Ari Gold 02 February 2013
When one of us becomes stronger, we all become stronger. When one of them becomes stronger, we all become weaker.

Now, we can prevent this in two ways – make 'them' into 'us' or eliminate them.

Including 'them' into 'us' removes differences over time that could be valuable and makes 'them' (now one of 'us') weaker. 'They' would be imitation 'us', not real 'us'. Imitations are inherently inferior to the real thing.

Eliminating 'them' removes an opportunity to diversify. Elimination also bears a great moral burden that gets heavier in hindsight.

We sometimes believe we are superior, the best. Sometimes, we think we are inferior. And, sometimes, we feel there are greater and lesser than ourselves. If we believe we are best, it is easiest for us to mold them into our image or eliminate them. If we think we are inferior to them, it makes sense to improve ourselves by becoming them or even ceasing to exist because they are more deserving of existence than us. If we feel others are in some ways greater and in other ways lesser than us, we tend to pick and choose diversification. We gain wisdom by learning fro our mistakes, if they are not fatal mistakes.

Eat the other, be eaten by the other or mix with the other

Dinosaurs ©2008
by Ari Gold
When Kennedy was assassinated someone cried and said I was lucky to be so young; that I would not remember that day. I sure showed them... But that's all I remember of that day. Every president, vice and candidate since then was NOT worth remembering. Until now. But those political Bastards... we've got global warming, ethnic cleansing, global gangs and human trafficking... They want to talk about gay marriages, gas taxes, health/welfare, edjucashun, gov'mint spending and "Encouraging" Greenery? When our economy is going the way of the USSR?!!

Global warming... plus... more people than ever before...
Ethnic cleansing is what you get when you put too many rats in a cage too small. WHAT... is going to happen in a few years when there's a whooole lot more people and a whooole lot less land; Go the way of the Lemming?

China is about 1/4 the world population and India is about 1/6 the world population. They make up Half the world population. People used to talk about dropping one bomb on Iraq and wiping them all out. Half the world population... But wouldn't They be thinking the same thing? Kill us all and let Their god sort us all out?

Can you feel yourself rat-a-morph-a-sizing? It's not so much too many rats in one cage as too many people on one lifeboat. All of us NOT looking fearfully at each other... not to mention the ones hanging off the side. Up to my neck in water so cold I can't feel my hands... But... didn't something... just ghost by my leg?

NOAH built an Ark. Can you...
float a boat?

Feelings
©Ari Gold 2008
When I was still married my wife was trying to vent painful feelings. But they stuck in her craw. I realized this was because she kept her heart clenched tight, safe from harm. If she wanted to let go of these feelings she would have to open up and be vulnerable. That's when I had a real eye-opener; “This too shall pass. Laxatives help.”


The Love of My Wife
©Ari Gold 2005

It brings tears to my eyes seeing her struggle 15' to get from the house to the car. We used to walk over a mile to get to the beach and then walk for hours along the beach. Carole drops something and gets angry that she doesn't have enough self-control to hold something in her hand. Then, seeing it on the floor she loses heart because she can't pick it up. I have no answers.

Over the years I have seen her health slowly deteriorate. I weigh and judge whether it is I that dies before her or her before me. She was full of energy and enthusiasm, so was I for that matter. She still has dreams and a desire to fulfill those dreams but not the ability.
We both weigh a lot more than when we first met. Again, it hurts me seeing her struggle to carry her weight, compassion at the guilt she feels about the condition of her body and acceptance of her feelings of helplessness and loss of control. I tell her we are getting older, but that doesn't change her feelings.

I see my own interests and abilities change too. I wonder what I will become and how well I will handle the situations I find myself in. Fear and skepticism are most of my wonder over what the future holds. Part of my anxiety is over the economy, our personal finances, local changes and global economy. Nothing in our economy looks to be growing.
At best I see some healing. We were both excited at the new prospects and possibilities in our lives when we first met. Now I feel like an old draft horse - accepting the weight I pull but not enthusiastic about much of anything. I love Carole, my wife, but that wild, endless energy has another name: youth.

How Long Can It Last?
©Ari Gold 2003

I was asked, “How long can it last?” referring to my interest in & affection towards my wife by a friend who had recently married. I replied: I asked the same question of Wifey and told her long before we married that I did not have an answer.
Our love for each other has grown like a seed, both roots and branches. We think back to the past; what we have been through together. We look to the future; what good things and bad we will face together and the dread that one of us might have to go it alone. We have both had to admit that someone being a partner to ‘me’ is a very hard act to follow. We have both seen the awful, terrible destruction that divorce can be. We each vowed not to let that happen to us again - once bitten, twice shy. So, we each bring with us a strong commitment to making our marriage work. Wifey is the object of my affections. She has been my sexual partner for many years. I have fantasies but know them for what they are. Wifey is more than a fantasy, she is the one I trust enough to sleep next to. Even more, I need to know she is somewhere near for me to sleep well. Wifey is my confidant, advisor, conspirator and raison d'être. Our bodies have parted ways with what we wish them to be, but that is just the outer layer. Who we really are, underneath is more than we expected. Who we have become or already were, was beyond the scope of our imaginations or experience.

It’s All in Your Mind
©Ari Gold 2003

My wife has Fibromyalgia. It’s is a form of arthritis, not of the bones or joints, but of the soft tissues—her flesh. Doctors have said “It’s all in your mind.”

So is everything else! All my pain and all my joy, Everything I feel, touch, taste, see and smell.
The things I laugh at and cry about, Everything I’ve seen, everywhere I’ve been, Everything I believe in, everything I fear and everything I hope for.

You are afraid. Of how things might turn out, and what they might become. You’re afraid of what you remember, afraid of what you’ll forget. You want to feel more a part of it. But there isn’t enough time. You want to show who you really are. But what if they still hate you? You’re afraid you don’t have what it takes, and that someone might find out. No place is safe;
so many people can hurt you.
It’s all in your mind too!

I’m resentful and even outraged that experts of the body, but clueless of the mind would use a truism and logic to lie and cheat my wife – separating her from her money and hopes of relief. All that neatly bundled in five words so the insurance and pharmaceutical companies see their hamsters in lab coats are keeping the R.P.M.’s up on their patient treadmills.

©Ari Gold 2003
I wonder at the mysteries. What secrets lie on the other side? What is beyond? My soul is like a torch in the night illuminating a bit around me as I walk this road; my life. Sometimes I walk alone in the cold, dark night and sometimes not; huddled close for comfort and warmth. Sometimes another soul draws near and together we push back the darkness. Other times, wherever I look I see darkness and fear I am the last spark. Let your truth shine brightly that I may know I do not walk this road alone. The stars I see burning brightly in the night, are these then Gods?

©Ari Gold 2003
I awoke very early one morning and looked out into the still darkness. There were a few torches burning and made lights softly illuminating the almost pitch black of the forest before dawn's light approached. I could hear nocturnal animals foraging and a few people coming home from an night's adventure. It was really quite charming and I felt very lucky to be part of all this, my life. I thought of each of the things I hold dear and wondered that many of them also treasure each other and me. The relationships of all the peoples, pets and other living things in our community nestled in the forest seemed like a web suspended across reality. Dawn's light gradually crept in. It seemed that light glistened on the web and life breezed in on the wind. The web quivered a little as some families awoke with the dawn, elven like mine and others too, while others faded into their safe darkness's. I wondered at how some fade away while others fade in, each to their own rhythm. I was just a wee lass then but that day I knew: I would be a Magi!

Coffee
© Ari Gold 2011
This morning, I made cowboy coffee. The boiling water, coffee and foam made a mesmerizing, everr-changing pattern.

As I ate breakfast, my mind wandered. I thouhgt about cofffee; imagining how soon, I would be tasting great coffee, picked and roasted in a coffee orchard. Hostile territory there. Mercenaries... would I be a threat, annoynace or toy to them? I thought about telling them what a small but necessary role mercenaries play in humanity's path. We need that kind of spirit when we go exploring outer space.But, as we grow spiritually, socially and technically we will need fighting skills less.

That led me to the mysteries of space... and back to the mesmerizing patterns of roiling coffee. I imagined what space would look like if I saw the energies. It would look like my coffee. Collapsing and expanding bubbles creating foamy areas of variable density.

I looked around me; incredible diversity and complex structures - trees with branches and leaves, grasses in clumps, palm fans and ferns. I imagined all the bugs, birds, lizards and mammals I could hear but not see. FOrr all that complexitty and diversity, we are all made of the same, basic stuff - matter - energy in variable densities, an ever-changing, mesmerizing pattern.

That's the physical world. But, the physical world does not require thoughts or feelings. if the physical world is one set of waves and the spiritual world is another set of waves, on the ocean of Reality, then are our thoughts and feelings the interference patterns created by the two sets of waves crossing?

If black holes are where matter and energy are getting pulled into somewhere else and while holes are where matter and energy are getting pushed out from somewhere else, then, is this it a similar thing that our spirits come into the physical universe from another place pass through here for a time, the go out to another place. Like sewing a needle and thread through fabric; in and out of the physical or spiritual world.

Time for another cup of coffee.

Part of what I am doing is helping others. I want to work in harmony with organizations that help others, and thereby, help each other, But, there is a fish called an Angler, that looks like a harmless little worm glowing brightly in the darkness. I know there are organizations and organisms like that. Still, I go towards the light, hoping I see the teeth glittering softly in the darkness, before I get too close.

Individuals intending harm worry me. Organizations that prey on good intentions terrify me.

How much time we have left is not as important as how much can we squeeze out of what we do have. We want to know how much time we have in order to know how hard we have to squeeze to get as much as we want. Life does not work that way; give and get as much as you can with each moment. Your Life Depends on You.